Sevan’s Toxic Love Story
Prasaud, the charming man that made me fall in love and who I regret ever meeting. I met him when I was traveling in California to see the family. There I was on Malibu beach with my sister then we saw this man with tall blonde hair and defined cheekbones playing volleyball with his friends. He came by to introduce himself but I can tell he wanted our attention. I thought to myself, who is this wannabe Justin Bieber? We ended up having a conversation and he tried to force me into playing volleyball with him. He told me he’s a male model from La fashion week and that he models for vogue. I wasn’t impressed with his looks but while I was there he made every interaction like a movie. The downside of it is where everything he tells me I figured out is a lie.. just a fantasy.
That’s how it started on a beautiful day at Malibu beach. We spoke about our dreams and ambitions to each other. I told him how I wanted to teach kid’s ballet in Harlem and start my own nonprofit. “You would be the most amazing Ballet teacher ever! Can you show me some moves?” Prasaud said. We laughed around the beach while I was telling him Plié and Arabesque. He had never been to New York and he told me it was his dream to go. Skip to the last day at Malibu, I said to Prasad so happily “ Promise me that you will keep in touch and visit me and I can give you a personal guided tour!” We kissed and that was our summer love story.
Then we started texting everyday and phone calls ever since I went back to New York. We talk literally about everything from how his family used to be in a cult in Arizona and they don’t believe in western medicine. I mean we both can relate feeling like an outcast playing an act in front of this whole world performing like we are normal. I related to so many ways being an outcast being biracial in a predominately white school. That’s when he told me that that’s why he wants to become famous. He wanted to show the world that the outcasts are now the cool people. I love the perspective he had on life like it is true that Johnny Depp is a huge weirdo and all the little kids want to be him. Now fast forward to now where we are entering our one year long distance relationship. We understood each other and it was so hard to have that with someone here. Even though we were so far away. He went out his way to see me a couple times in New York.
After I finished teaching at my ballet class today, I went home so excited that Prasaud was going to call me today. It’s 5 o’clock, still no call. Maybe he forgot our schedule call because the time zone is different over there in California. I called him to see if he would pick up but nope still no answer. This seems strange, I thought to myself, he’s probably just living his life with no worries. I went to check out his Instagram to see what he’s been up to. Turns out, Prasaud seems like he was very much out here living HIS BEST LIFE. He posted some girl that he told me was just his “ friend” and is a famous Victoria Secret Model that is publicly announced it was his official girlfriend. I called him again, I was so upset and I still left a voicemail. I left a nasty voicemail calling him a liar and thirst hungry for attention. As I started crying, I got up to get the vanilla ice cream from the fridge. I’m thinking about all the good memories I had with Prasaud. I had flashbacks to the days when I always played my ukulele for him whenever he slept over at my house.
Then Prasaud starts calling all of a sudden. I ignored his 10 missed calls. He does not deserve my breath or energy. I listened to a couple of his voice messages he left. He said that it was fake news and only a publicity stunt that his agent told him to do. He begged for me to call him back so he could explain more about this situation. He started calling again. I finally picked up his FaceTime call and it seemed to me like he was at a bar being clearly wasted.
Prasad – What’s your issue? Can you just let me love you…
Sevan – You think I’ma be receptive to that after all you just did. Chuckles.. you don’t know me yet?
Prasad – I can say sorry but that won’t change anything. You still think I’m talking to other people? And I’m trying to tell you I’m not talking to no one. Like what are we disagreeing about now?
Sevan – I am talking about you being trustworthy. It’s bigger than you talking to other people and lying about your fake girlfriend on social media. The problem is your words. It’s just not good enough.
Prasad- Imma show you Sevan with my actions but I mean it. I just want you. I want to marry you and want you to be the mother of my future kids. I don’t want to lose you.
Sevan- Look you forgot already. Are you listening? You are not ready to be a husband, father or boyfriend. Like it took you a week to realize you gotta listen to the person you want a relationship with.
Prasad- I apologize I’ll be the man you want me. I’m coming to New York tomorrow and we could have brunch together at your favorite cafe. I’ll get your favorite strawberry pancakes with hash browns.
Sevan- Mhm okay. Let’s see if I have time tomorrow and I will let you know. I have to teach the kids their new Ballet Choreography for their spring performance.
Prasad- Okay then I will be there instead. I’ll get you and the kids’ breakfast for tomorrow. What do you prefer? Bagels and cream cheese or pancakes that I could order from IHOP with a tub of orange juice or Both. Forget it, I’ll get everything just for you my love.
Sevan- You better not disappoint me and tell me all the words I want to hear. I’m so happy that I am seeing you tomorrow. I am still mad at you but I miss you.
Prasad- I miss you too baby and I love you. I know I haven’t been the best partner but that’s gonna change. I have a long day tomorrow so I’ll call you tomorrow once I land.
Sevan- I love you too. Goodnight and dream about me okay. Less than 24 hours you will see me. I can’t wait!
Prasad-Good night baby in less than 24 hours I’ll be right next to you. I love you more.
After that phone call, I slept restlessly that night because I couldn’t wait for Prasad. I dream of him being my Prince Charming because every moment he makes me happy. I feel like walking across the clouds with him whenever he speaks to me or sees me. Yes, I’m still mad at him but it was only a misunderstanding. I shouldn’t have my doubts about him when there is no evidence of cheating. He’s amazing and has a pure heart. He is just misunderstood and lost with the idea of fame. It’s 3:00AM and I am still wrapped up in my head thinking about him.
The next day I went to work and trained all the kids in a new choreography lesson with a remix of Beyoncé. There he was, Prasad waiting outside the studio with all the bagels, donuts and orange juice waiting to be let in. He actually came all the way from California to see me. All the kids were happy knowing that they had breakfast today and excited when Prasad said he was my boyfriend. Then he was learning the routine with us with what I taught the children for showcase. After the program I taught for the kids, Prasad stayed back and helped cleaned up. He said, I told you I would show up, I would do anything for you. We left and walked around Central Park. That was our usual go too and talk while looking at the bright city lights. It was a good day for us…. A fairy tale.
Once he left to go back to California we said our goodbyes and kissed each other. He called me later and told me it’s over on FaceTime. I was so confused because he flew out to see me. But he told me, “It’s just for the best and I am seriously going to be invested in his girlfriend. I never meant for it to get this far.” I listen to his sorry excuse of being a liar. He was telling me that he was sorry that he should have told me sooner. I cut him off and told him, “I wish I never loved you and made time for you. You do not deserve me or my love. I should have listened to other people about you. Prasaud you are superficial, if you think it’s okay for you to worry more about entertaining your fans about your false relationship instead of thinking of how it would make me feel? We shouldn’t be together at all, I hate you Prasaud!”
He told me,“I am sorry and never imagined that I would react this way. Out of all the people, I thought you would understand my life and show me compassion. Goodbye Sevan. I love you always.” Then the calls dropped. I start bawling my eyes out, feeling the physical pain of my heart shattered. I was second guessing myself but he never even posted me not once on any social media platforms. Does he feel ashamed of me? I asked myself. I’m no longer going to make excuses for him. He doesn’t love me. This isn’t love. I want someone that will help me grow together. I want someone to love me with confidence. I started crying watching the next episode of Friends to clear my thoughts.
After a couple of weeks, I have moved on and started to focus more on launching my nonprofit program. I went back home to see that I received a letter from Prasad, it was an apology and forgiveness note. It said, “ My lovely Sevan, I appreciate you for investing in me and loving me unconditionally. I knew I was damaged because I always thought you deserve better. I’m a fuck up okay, I lost the girl of dreams so I can get famous for being a poser. I always wanted to be famous but meeting you. You gave me a reality check.
Those are not my real dreams and thank you for inspiring me who I actually want to be. As a kid, I picture myself as being a veterinarian because of my love of animals. Those dreams as a kid could easily be forgotten by being stuck on cheap liquor and drugs. I’m in a rehabilitation center so I can better myself and you. I will be the actual man you want me to be. I hope that I haven’t lost my chance to rekindle things with you. You are going to open up your ballet nonprofit center and I will be there always supporting you. I love you Sevan. I would understand if you don’t want to respond back. Much Love Forever, Prasad.” That’s the last thing I ever heard from him since I never responded back to his letter. I feel more free now knowing that he is out of my life. Never again that I was going to lose myself to a man who was living a false life. It’s time to focus on me and my ballet program!
